back to reality

Well, I've been back for a little over a month, and I must say adjusting back to life in the United States was just as difficult, if not more so, than I thought it would be. It has been especially hard sometimes because I am one of the few who did not study abroad at Loyola University's Rome Center. I don't have the same pictures, professors, funny stories.....I only share a bit of my experience with a few people. And even so, there were so many things I did on my own, like be the only American exchange student at the college of music, participate in musical therapy with burn victims, TB and HIV/AIDS orphans, spend a significant amount of time with my families in the black township of Langa, travel different countries and see more of Africa...

It's always difficult coming back and not knowing what to say to people, what is too much and what is not enough. Trying to figure out what people actually what to hear about: walking with lions in Zimbabwe or the huge meals my host mama used to force me to eat (every last bite).

The dreams are weird. I dream that I'm still in SA and have to go to USA for the weekend and then go back to SA. Then of course I wake up and realize I'm home, and on the other side of the world of my former home. My family. My friends. The kids I taught, the kids I treated. Seeing the hospital and orphanage, walking in that first time I remember perfectly just how gut-wrenching it felt to see so many sick children. Now I feel sick all the time wondering what happened, or what will happen to those kids.

Sometimes I feel like the last six months were a dream: because I find it so difficult to talk to people about my experience. So I don't, for the most part. I think that's pretty normal, though. So what's next? Well, I continue to work at my job, finish out school, and then....I don't know. But all the while, fight like hell to try and figure out a way to get back there.